Monday, August 01, 2005

Where I've been...

As some of you may have noticed, I've been away from this blog for a bit. I just went on vacation for a few days and it was lovely, but I'll get to that later. First, let me quickly respond to some comments that astute readers have made over the last few days during my absence:
1) I am not a "worthless cunt."
2) I rarely have "rape fantasies"
3) I do not "fist fuck" girls "en generale."

OK. Now that that is out of the way... on to my weekend which I must say was interesting. I went on an almost impulsive trip with a friend to the Hamptons last Saturday. He said we were going to a party and that it would be worth my while to go. Only after agreeing did he tell me it was a theme party. The theme: The Great Gatsby. This sounded too good to be true, but before I could get completely excited I had to hit up spark notes to figure out what the hell the book was about.

After some intense debate we decided to go as Tom and Daisy. I made a rather stunning Daisy and dressed the part in a nice flowing white dress with cute bonnet. I looked as aristocratic as ever. So on Saturday I met Tom, who wore a classic 20's suit, and we took off for West Egg in his Mercedes.

As we pulled up to the house in a large semi-circle walkway, I realized that when the host, whom I had not yet met, said theme party he meant THEME PARTY. First off, there was a large constructed billboard of what I took to be Dr. T.J. Eckleberg staring down upon us from up high. Obviously this host, who I found out was actually named Jay, was new to this money game and was looking for ways to flaunt his wealth. A huge billboard was the first thing that came to mind I suppose.

We walked into the gothic mansion to find a man greating us, a man in a wonderfully pink pastel suit who I had never met before. He accosted me, "Oh Daisy! So glad you could make it and good thing you brought Tom. Tom ole sport!" I thought about telling Jay that my actual name was Katie and this was, of course, not Tom, but I figured I would go along which his little game until the booze kicked in. I fluttered my eyes longingly at Jay and took on a bad 20's accent to tell him how grand the drive was from East Egg. Knowing that he was supposed to be in love with me, I thought I would flirt for a bit.

Right then a young man approached us who neither myself nor "Tom" knew, but Jay quickly filled in the gaps. "Daisy my sweet. I'm not sure that you have met Nick." I shook my head that I had not; "Nick" looked rather embarrassed. Jay continued, "Nick and Tom attended Yale together Daisy and I'm sure Nick could tell you many tales about the trouble they got into." After a strange moment of silence "Nick" smiled at me and said, "Hi. My name is Jack." I let out a sigh of relief that there were normal people here after all. "Katie" I responded. Before we could get too acquanted however Jay tried again to isolate me. "Nick. Tom. Old Sports. Why don't you two run along and get caught up. I would like to talk to Daisy about something most mysterious that happened to me right after we first met in Louisville!" I signaled that it was okay if they left as long as they hurried back and brought drinks. Jay then started to whisper and tried to convince me that Tom was cheating on me:

Jay: You know that Tom is seeing Myrtle in a apartment of filth in the city that symbolizes all that is bad with wealth and greed right?
Me: Umm... 'Tom' and I aren't really seeing each other.
Jay: Surely you jest! Daisy. I must say I have watched your green light shine from across the bay on many clear nights.
At this point he tried to siddle up to me.
Me: Dude. Seriously. You know it's 2005 right?
He looked shocked and then actually glared at me as if plotting some sort of revenge. After a few seconds:

Jay: Myrtle is right over there you know. I could arrange to have her alone in the driveway. You could run her over!

Luckily "Tom" and "Nick" came back so I was able to avoid responding to this comment. I met a number of girls throughout the night who told me that he had identified them also as "Daisy" and had similar conversations with them. In the end, I was able to avoid him for the rest of the party... and in a shocking twist on the book ending I ended up ditching both "Tom" and "Jay" for the unassuming, recently wealthy "Nick." My parents would no doubt be in shock by our being together, but what can I say... he was hot.

- Katie


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